One day I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the girl staring back at me. I was beaten down, broken, damaged. I craved to just have a love given to me that I was giving out. I lost all understanding of what the word "love" actually meant.

Someone once told me that "love" was pounding on a locked basement door while he stood on the other side holding power over me. Someone once told me that "love" was being backed into a corner, slamming doors, even putting his hands around my throat...to him these were all signs of "love".

I grew battered and afraid. I grew scared to even call the cops in fear of what would await me once they left. Forget eye contact, that became nonexistent. I was told I was the lucky one and that no one would want someone so damaged. I was also told I never had to worry because he would never let me go.

I remember the first time he put his hands on me and how his actions didn't match his words. Finding an escape became impossible. I tried to get help from friends, only for them to fail me. I hoped for help from law enforcement, only for them to tell me, "just stay away from him, because if you don't, this won't be the last time we are here." They were right. The fear that someone can put into another person that they fear calling the cops is ridiculous. I was scared for so long. For my safety, our children, and his mom. His mom tried to help by calling on him too, knowing he wasn't going to change and also fearing for her own safety. She knew the best thing for him was to be behind bars.

"But he's such a nice guy"...yes, in the public eye. Once the door closed and the public eyes was nowhere to be found we were imprisoned. For so long I never thought I would ever be able to leave, if I tried I feared for my life...as I received several threats from him stating he was going to put me 6 feet under.

Once I saw light at the end of the tunnel, I realized I could be free. I found real friends that saw the abuse and didn't turn their backs. I stayed silent to keep peace...but for what?

He abused me in silence, so I'm healing loudly. 

Ladies, it's hard...but it's worth it. Please get help and get out. Do not lose yourself anymore to someone that hates themselves. If this makes me crazy then so be it. I will embrace it with a smile on my face.